churchsext:

bitch about how much “technology is ruining society” all you want. im gonna go communicate with hundreds of people at once while u fuck the stonehenge 

planetfuckingjupiter:

new olympic sport: the contestants must sit on their legs until they fall asleep and then run down a flight of stairs

kushdrinker:

it must get annoying living in the south with all those banjos constantly playing 

  • Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
  • Random Old Lady: *comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
  • ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
  • Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
  • Dad: *chokes into his drink*
  • ROL: You should respect your elders.
  • Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
  • Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
  • ROL: *storms off*
  • Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
  • Me: What?
  • Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.